Thai Women, Part VII

Part seven in a
series of eight posts written back in April of 2012 during and after a trip to
Thailand to teach advanced first aid. Parts
one, two, three, four, five and six are here.

I’ve been working on a new theory of the psychology
of women. Don’t exit the page, please. Have a good laugh, and then read the
rest of the post.

What the adolescent male of any age cannot
understand is the need of the feminine mind for context. He understands it in
the tactical sense, if he is smart, meaning that he observes the signs and
patterns and can come up with strategies to manipulate or bypass those
patterns. Essentially he views the particularly feminine part of female
sexuality as an obstacle to be overcome, rather than as a complement and
balance to his own sexuality.

Context is the word I am using right now to describe
the complex psychological and emotional reality that I observe surrounding the
behavior of women, sexually. To put it in the simplest terms, in order for a
man to get a woman to agree to have sex with him he must create a context in
which it makes sense to her, not simply intellectually, but emotionally and
even subconsciously. Men don’t really need this. In the male brain, sexually
attractive female (whatever he has been conditioned to believe that is) = all
the context I need. Women are not naturally like that. This is not to say that
they cannot become like that. In
fact, a good number of men spend a lot of time and effort ensuring that women
do become like that.

I believe this need for context springs from a
natural sense of self-worth. To observe it, however, you usually have to go
back a long ways, right to the beginning of womanhood, and even before. A
little girl instinctively believes in her own worth. All little girls know that they are princesses. No one
has to tell them this for them to act like it. It doesn’t matter whether she is
a girly-girl or a tomboy, she believes instinctively in her own inherent value.
Unfortunately this belief is a fragile thing. It can be affirmed, or it can be
exaggerated and blown out of proportion, or it can be destroyed. Usually,
however, a good portion of it remains into the teen years in all but the worst
cases. With puberty it becomes entangled with overt sexual urges, especially in
middle and high-schools in our society in which it is almost impossible for a
girl to escape being judged primarily as a sexual object.

This inherent sense of worth, in its most natural
state, tells the young woman that she is not an object to be used for someone
else’s pleasure. She, of course, has her own urges and desires, but mixed with
the purely physical desire (which I have no qualifications to judge) is that
intuitive grasp of her own worth and the instinctive fear of being used, or of
using someone else. Like it or not, for women self-image and sexuality are
inescapably linked. In order for her to want to give herself physically there
has to be a surrounding emotional context in which the man’s treatment of her squares with her own view of her own worth.

Now, that is a very important point. It explains how
context works, both for the true use, and for those who abuse it by using it as
a tactical advantage in a sex-war. A man can bring about this parity between
his treatment and her self-image in one of two general ways:

1)    Either
by affirming her worth and making her feel secure in the knowledge that he will
guard her worth more fiercely and lovingly than she ever could.

2)    Or
by degrading and tearing down her sense of her own worth until she feels that
she deserves whatever kind of treatment he wants to dish out.

It is important to understand that either of these
ways can achieve the end result of getting a woman in bed with you. All the man
is doing is putting her self-image and his actions on the same level. It is
also important to understand that #1 is not automatically virtuous. A man can
lie in order to seem like he loves her and respects her, and then betray her.
Or he might actually believe it, and then “fall out of love” with her later on.
Either way his honesty is compromised, and the end result is likely to be a
terrible blow to her self-esteem, but as regards method he still went by the
affirmation route. In fact, I would say that is by far the most effective
route, even for a total liar and scoundrel, simply because it bears some
superficial, temporary resemblance to the real thing.


  1. “Don't exit the page, please.” Haha! I really did chuckle out loud at that. 🙂 Honestly though, this is a great insight into the minds and hearts of women. I'm very impressed, usually we (or I, at least) don't understand half of what goes on inside our own heads. There is a lot of feeling and intuition, we rarely dissect it like this.


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